I’m overly emotional.
My mother is also done with me. “You run me ragged all week,” she says.
Except I don’t. She had Friday where she was completely without me. We only went to the doctor on Wednesday morning, then I was home the rest of the day, and on Tuesday she was gone until about 7pm, we just went to the doctors office in the morning.
Even today we were going to spend most of the day out, but she was tired so we came home early. Literally, we were only out for an hour and a half.
So now, it’s after midnight, and I’m not tired at all because I’ve had too many days where I’m not doing anything and she’s even still awake
I’m trying so hard not to complain, but this isn’t easy for me either. There’s a tube sticking out of my liver and it causes a lot of pain (and I have a pretty high pain tolerance – you need to in order to do triathlons).
I saw my tummy doctor on Wednesday. The technical term is a gastroenterologist. I told her we had to stop meeting like this, but I was glad I saw her. I left feeling so, so much better.
We talked about how I’m constantly nauseous. How I can’t get very much food down and I go a significant amount of time between eating. How I’ve lost a significant amount of weight.
And she said the most comforting thing.
“We’re going to fix you.”
She said that the doctor I’m seeing is the best – that she’s sent her family to him. She said that it’s likely I’m full because my tummy doesn’t move very fast to begin with and that the pain medication slows it even more. The pain is also contributing to the nausea. She also said that with constant pain comes depression and that generally people fall into two categories – eating too much or not enough – and I fall into the ladder.
This last part I resisted with all my being – with the history of mental illness in my family – but she could be right. I’m a little over sensitive and moody. But, you might be too, if you went from being totally independent and barely home to being almost completely dependent on people. I had my youngest sister wash my hair and I can’t even shower myself.
So, her instructions: Stay ahead of the pain. Since the nausea is constant and there’s no difference no matter what I eat, she said to eat what I want and to get the most bang for my buck. Don’t drink diet soda, since it won’t do anything. Eat things that are high calorie and high fat.
So there it is. They’re going to fix me and it’s going to be ok. In the meantime, I just have to keep my chin up.